Four days working. Three days at my own disposal. And still I fail to do what I had in mind on my free Wednesdays: write.
And why not? What’s keeping me? I can find countless excuses: I need to work extra hours; I need to spend some quality time with my boyfriend (this does seem to be a vital part in a relationship); I work all day behind a computer and I don’t feel like doing so at home as well. The list goes on.
But that’s not the real reason. Right now I’m just lost. I’ve got a job, but like many others here, it’s only temporary. The first thing most people ask me is: ‘What are your plans for January?’ – I don’t know. And then: ‘What are you looking for?’ – I don’t know.
Of course they are genuinely interested and supportive, but after a while it gets a bit annoying. Then I start fretting and worrying. Destroying what little mood I had to do some writing.
I’m not entirely clueless, if I could choose I would focus on my writing. However, making a living out of writing is not the easiest of choices as there are financial obligations that need to be kept in mind. (I don’t think my landlord would be considerate if I told him I couldn’t pay the rent.)
When I go through my notebooks, which are full of bits and scribbles, my confidence is lowered further. My main problem is that I hardly finish anything. And when I go through my stories, I realize they still need more work. Are the stories anywhere near being publishable? Why bother to keep writing? (Bye-bye writing mood.)
In the end you just have to go on and stay positive. So here’s why I keep writing:
“Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“There’s no comparison between what’s lost by not trying and what’s lost by not succeeding.”
– Francis Bacon
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your dreams. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you feel that you too, can become great.”
– Mark Twain